i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
