to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
