i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
