you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
