You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
