i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
