my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
