hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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