Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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