he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
