so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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