I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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