I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
