I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
