Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
