Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
