just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
