yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize