Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
