the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
