Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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