My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
