Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
