I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Duck Duck Cougar?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
