So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
