sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
