First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
