What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just invented taco cereal.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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