I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
