I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
