Hey man sorry I got all grabby
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
