so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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