dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
