I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
