at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So squirting runs in the family.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
