That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
