I faked an abortion last night.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
