so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
