i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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