Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
