When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
