so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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