Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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