And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
