This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
