my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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