3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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