I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
