She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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