yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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