Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
