We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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