yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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