The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
