tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
