God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
