Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
