I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
