pop tarts are not kleenex
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize