your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize