shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
