At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
