I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
