she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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