I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
