mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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