So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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