I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
