i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
