i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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