Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize