sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
