You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
