Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
