i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
