I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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